Just to Hear You Say
by Paladins
Summary: Hawke has been made tranquil, leaving her lover, Fenris, heartbroken.


Fenris opened the door to their room, finding Hawke sitting next to some light and sewing some of the rips in his shirts. He remembered when she hated sewing, and when she hated cooking. He remembered when she looked up when he entered and smiled. Now she simply looked up and nodded her head in greeting. It broke his heart.

He walked over to her, pulling his gauntlets off and cupping her cheeks as he bent to his knees. She set the shirt down, keeping the needle in the shirt where it would not prick them. She leaned into his touch, but he knew it was for him. She enjoyed physical contact, but not the way she used to. She used to come to him for contact. "Good evening, Fenris," she said, her tone with no affliction or levity.

"Did you have any problems today?" he asked, rubbing his thumb across her cheekbone, and then over her lips. They used to be broken, bloody, from her worrying them so much. Now they were smooth and perfect, the envy of any noble woman.

"I won some sovereigns from playing Wicked Grace down at the tavern," she said, matter of fact like. "The pouch is in the bag."

"I would have thought a tranquil gambling would have been cheating," he said with a smirk.

"I wouldn't know for sure," she said with an almost shrug. He missed her wit and sarcasm. "Was your day eventful?"

He nodded. "I've got one more job, and then we will be able to continue on."

She frowned a bit. "It would be far more efficient for you to simply leave me in the care of-"

"No!" he said, growling. "Not ever! Never again will they touch you!"

"I would not mind," she said, smoothing his hair behind his ear. "I loved you once. I know that, much in the way I know I need to breathe. But I cannot love you now. I am not healthy for you, Fenris. I do not hate the Templars. You can hand me over. It is practical."

"Not after what they did you!" Making her Tranquil made him rage. It was the reason why he hunted them in his free time. He needed to find the exact ones that did it. All the ones in between were just as deserving. But to find the ones that had gotten away when he had stormed where they had been keeping her in on their march from the Chantry to the Circle- that was his second goal. The first was to find the way to return her to normal. And all deaths between where he kneeled now, and those goals, were just and deserved the pain he wrought.

He wasn't sure how she would take it, when she had emotions again. When she was emotional as him again- because she would feel again! He remembered once the mage saying he would drown her in blood to keep her safe. At the time Fenris remembered he had scoffed, rolled his eyes, growled, and a just found him in his entirety annoying. But now, it seemed to be the only thing he could find to explain his feelings.

She nodded, and gave him a kiss. There was no passion, just a press of her lips to his. She did it for him. She did a lot just for him anymore, to keep him appeased perhaps. Or for the memory of their love. Perhaps they were the same for her. She had offered her body to him once, in the months since she had been taken so brutally from him. Her body still worked, it was the same. It responded, and she as well. But that was all it was. The carnal, raw, lust of the body that responded to his touch. After that one time he had stopped it. He cried when they had finished, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Hawke had sat up, pushing her muddy brown hair out of her face, curling her knees under her as she stared at him. She had apologized, and he kissed her, silencing her. She did not understand. She still did not. She would not, for a long time. But it was never her fault. Nothing she did now would be her fault. The fact that she remained with him, as he begged, was enough to give him hope. The way she would stare at him sometimes, when they were snuggled next to a fire, or when he would talk about their past, gave him hope. She remembered her past. She just could not feel it. There was hope. He clung to it desperately.

Even now, as she pulled away from their innocent press of lips, he saw the way her gaze lingered a bit on him, and he was probably delusional but he thought he saw almost a twinkle back in her golden honey eyes. He had to look away, and he swallowed hard as he stood. "I also received a reply from Varric. He's coming down, and we'll meet him in Wycome."

She pressed her lips, but nodded anyway. She was firm in her belief that there was no such thing as a cure for being Tranquil. But, for him, she stopped saying it allowed. He liked to think it was for the memory that she did not argue. More likely, it was far more 'practical' to simply let him have his delusions. She glanced down at the shirt, pulling the needle through before speaking again. "Tevinter is likely where you will end up taking us, Fenris." She glanced up to gage his reaction.

He set the sword next to the bed, reaching for the buckles of his armor. He knew this already. If anybody was interested in Tranquil and curing it, it was likely to be Tevinter. And he was ready for that. "Will you come to bed?" he said, tho. He was not ready to bring it up, to talk about what the future held yet. He could already hear what Varric would say, and what that conversation would entail. Right now, he felt a need to pretend, with her.

She glanced down at the shirt before giving a nod and folding it with the needle safely sheathed in the fabric before she stood and walked over. She was telling the truth. She was unhealthy for him. But Fenris hadn't been exaggerating when he had said he could not imagine a life without her. And, even as a Tranquil, she was enough. She was a simple taste for a starving man, but that was just barely enough. Which was why he was able to brush away her bangs that hid the damned marking and kiss her forehead as he pulled her into bed.

Tonight he could pretend and tomorrow night he would be able to. But in the end, he was going to rain the world in blood, likely just to hear her say she hated what he had become.

_A response to the Dragon Age 2 kinkmeme: _**Mage!Hawke has been caught and made Tranquil. Fenris is still in love, and is very tender and protective towards her/him.**** Note that being made Tranquil does not make a person incapable or helpless, rather, disconnected from emotions and the Fade.**** Bonus if Fenris's mage!rage turns into templar!rage against those who did this to Hawke. **

_I hope to maybe continue this, if I can get the plot worked out straight._**  
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